Shoaib and Sania bring the peace, love and understanding 1 Attachment(s) Attachment 22845 Sania: India, India, India! Shoaib: Whoa, girl, pipe down. Sania: Or what? You'll ban me? Coz that's all you "former" Pakistani cricketers know how to do. Shoaib: Ouch. If only you could serve something that unplayable on the court… Sania: Tennis pun? What next, a volley of abuse? Shoaib: Okay, what are we fighting about again? Sania: We're not fighting. We're just trying to tell people that we should be the official mascots of all India-Pakistan matches henceforth. So can you try and act cuddly? Haroon Lorgat: (clearing throat) Excuse me. By using the words "official" and "mascot" in conjunction you have triggered our anti-ambush-marketing clause-hunter. You'll shortly be receiving a show-cause notice and should you fail to respond to it within a week of receiving it… Shoaib: Oh shut it. Go find a suit to not look good in. Sania: Yeah, and then stone some poor Indians for wanting tickets to watch the final. (Lorgat runs away crying) Shoaib: But, really, I don't get you Indians. Why such gluttons for punishment - getting lathi-charged and then coming back for more? Sania: We're doing it for Tendulkar. Shoaib: Getting welts on your behinds? I really hope that if India win, he doesn't thank the people of India for their support. Such a cliché. Sania: (snorts) So he should be like Immy and just thank himself? Shoaib: Missy! You did not just sledge Imran Khan! Sania: Sure I did. He may be a sex god but modesty ain't his middle name - unlike Sachin's. Shoaib: Please! I'm sure he's thinking of nothing but his 100th hundred. That dinosaur. Sania: (frothing at the mouth) Let me tell you exactly how many of those hundreds came against Pakistan… Shoaib: Let me tell you exactly how many knee-length boots Veena Malik wore during her appearance on Big Boss… Sania: You're sure you're not related to Ijaz Butt? Because your attempts to obfuscate the point are just as pathetic. Shoaib: You are pathetic. Sania: You are. Shoaib: You are. (News reporter looking for a free lunch and a phone charger bumps into the happy couple.) Reporter: Oh my god! Shoaibania! Sania: I think we prefer Sanaib. Reporter: You two are a symbol of Indo-Pak ties - that despite all the political hoohaa, there's very little that separates the two countries. Sania: Yeah, only wins and losses. Shoaib: And fast bowlers versus slow-medium pacers. Sania: Ball-swinging versus ball-tampering. Shoaib: Power-hungry versus… Sania: … the power-mad. (Both laugh) Reporter: Well as I was saying we really are one people. There's so much similar between us… Sania: Yeah, we have equally inefficient cricket boards. Shoaib: And maniacal fans. Sania: And equally nutty fast bowlers. Shoaib: And irritating cricketer-based cola ads. Sania: And really stupid domestic team names. Kochi Tuskers? Shoaib: Er, I play for the Sialkot Stallions. (Both laugh again and prepare to walk away hand in hand) Reporter: And that's what makes this rivalry so unique, so enduring, so full of hope, so heart-warming, so soul-stirring… Shoaib: Oh shut it, go find some fans outside the PCA stadium to annoy. Sania: Don't forget to ask them how they are feeling. All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up (but you knew that already, didn't you?) |
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